Book Review : The Astonishing Colour of After // Emily X.R..Pan

❝one of the most profound and emotional books i have read. i loved it from the start to finish and the emotions i am feeling, the colours i am feeling are all everywhere and nowhere.❞ - something i wrote on instagram once i was done with this book [22.10.19]

Genre : YA Contemporary + Magical Realism

Synopsis :

Leigh Chen Sanders is absolutely certain about one thing: When her mother died by suicide, she turned into a bird.

Leigh, who is half Asian and half white, travels to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time. There, she is determined to find her mother, the bird. In her search, she winds up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and forging a new relationship with her grandparents. And as she grieves, she must try to reconcile the fact that on the same day she kissed her best friend and longtime secret crush, Axel, her mother was taking her own life.

Alternating between real and magic, past and present, friendship and romance, hope and despair, The Astonishing Color of After is a novel about finding oneself through family history, art, grief, and love. 

Trigger warning : depression and suicide

Rate : 5.5 / 5 ⭐

❝colours flash like promises and black flickers like static, like memories, and everything is falling, falling. remembering,

falling,

remembering,

the two words synonymous.❞

Review :

Didn't expect much from this book. basically I was going in blind. I bought this book assuming it would talk just about suicide and how the people left behind are affected. Oh boy oh boy was I wrong. It was so much more.

I read this book in one sitting at college trying to keep my cool every time I came across something poetic, beautiful, tragic (which was most of the time). The way Pan has written the story is so so beautiful. The words so soft and profound it evokes something deep in you. 

Leigh's mother has passed and she travels to Taiwan to find out why. Because she assumed a particular event or a person may have triggered her depression and eventually her death. But its interesting how there really is nothing about depression there but she learns a lot more about her mother's mysterious past. I liked how the current events entwined with past. Along with learning about the traditional Taiwanese culture. 

My favourite part was how she describes her emotions with colours. It's something that I did as a child to identify emotions but seeing it in this book written so beautifully was really something. The magical realism was another aspect that sort of confused me but soon learned to love. How the mother is symbolized as a red bird soaring through the skies for 49 days before she moves on for good.

Overall this book talks about the stigmas of mental health, has an accurate portrayal of grief, the heartbreaking truth about depression and the discovery of your identity. 

I honestly don't have anything else to say 1) its been over a month since I read this book 2) it really leaves you speechless at the end of it anyways.

↠•↞

With Love,

image credits : me (: